This fun story actually happened this past Saturday, but I know how much everyone loves a good poop story so I thought I would share it with you ~ the following has been adapted for the internet from an email to a dear friend...
...so, I went for a 4 mile run yesterday morning and came back to the house and was STARVING! The Director and I went to our favorite cafe for egg burritos and then came home busily farting around the house and yard when The Director mentioned going for a bike ride. I jumped at this since he usually doesn't go for the physical activities. We hopped on our bikes and off we went. We didn't really have a destination in mind ~ just riding along enjoying the beautiful weather. We ended up heading toward a nearby wash going west and he mentioned stopping at a bar and grabbing a beer. FABULOUS idea!! We ended up at local restaurant chain where he got a Guinness and I thought I would try their agave margarita. We ended up there hanging around chatting, finished our drinks and headed back home.
Well, we got about 1/2 way home and my tummy started rumbling...and I mean RUMBLING!!! Like, I gotta take a crap !RIGHT NOW! kind of rumbling so I stopped my bike and yelled for help. I mean, come on...what else is a girl to do?! The Director came back around and told me to just go in the bushes but we were smack dab in the middle of a development and there was zero privacy anywhere. That coupled with the fact that I was totally determined to make it home kept me pedaling!! I kept riding but in just a few minutes I was totally freaking out cause I knew I was gonna shit my pants. The Director was very calm and told me to "just be free, don't fight it...just let it go"...I swear to God, I thought I was going to explode if I had to hold it another second. Then I hit a bump on my bike and all hell broke loose...in my pants!
I was practically in tears and The Director was behind me laughing his ass off, when we rounded a corner and there low and behold was a portapotty that must have been for construction workers working near by. I jumped off my bike and ran. I have never had such back door trots in my life! I didn't care if every gross construction worker in the universe had crapped in that portapotty...I have never been so thrilled. Of course I had to get back in those nasty pants and slide back on my bike for the rest of the ride home. I don't know how babies do it but sitting in poop is the worst feeling in the world. It was the longest ride home ever...and I had a flat tire...WTF, Universe?!? The Director assured me that from the back it just looked like I had a sweaty butt crack....that and he made me ride down-wind behind him.
Nothing like shitting your pants on a bike ride with your boyfriend to know he really does love you.
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